Just the beginning.

In my mind it would be easy. It’s the way I had always dreamed it would be. Little did I know that it would be the hardest thing yet. So much submitting. So much trusting. After the fight, when I finally laid it down, then it was when blessing came. I still don’t know how it will turn out. I still have to trust and take a leap of faith. But God is faithful. He is good. I’m so amazed and overwhelmed by His love. I’d been fighting for so long. When I was at my lowest point, when He brought me down and I finally surrendered, He blessed. How very good the Lord is. To Him be the glory.

Don't worry. Be happy.

Well, I know it's been a while. I've started to write several times and just couldn't finish for whatever reason. It's been pretty busy here. A lot has happened. I spent the summer in Alabama at a girl's missions camp. That was....challenging. My patience and gentleness was tested quite a bit. Spending a week with 10 girls under 10 aint the easiest thing to do, especially in the hot summer! But God was faithful in equipping me with the strength I needed. Anyways, that's not what I wanted to say here. God brought something to my attention here recently that when I realized what it was, it felt like 100 pounds was lifted off my shoulders. I was able to rest and was so much more peaceful afterward. That thing I let go of was worry.

It's so easy to do. I'm a perfectionist and I find myself worrying about things, specifically the future and if I'm making the right choices regarding the future. For a good while I lived like that. I didn't realize what I was doing, til recently. Now, I see what it did. Several things I noticed that worry does:
1) Robs you of your peace. Instead of resting in God, you get restless.
2) It says that God is not big enough for my problems. I have to worry about this because God can't handle it. Even though I have no control over it, neither does God...wrong.
3) It shows we have a weak and faithless heart. Life is never certain, everyone knows that. What we do with that uncertainty is important. We can either have faith and trust God with it, or pretty much let it eat us alive. It takes a lot to not worry about something, it's not easy...but it is a choice.
4) It hinders any growth. It paralyzes us. Worry pulls you in two different directions, and you're stuck in the middle. You can either trust God with it and give it to him, or you can try and do it on your own (and most likely fail)...you're stuck in between those, and it paralyzes you.
5) It hinders us from experiencing things that we could experience if we trust God with everything. I hear time after time, as soon as let go of ________, "this" happened. God wants our heart. He wants our trust. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path."

Once we lay our worries at the foot of the cross?
We have peace. We trust that God is sovereign and in control. We have confidence. Psalm 112:6-8 says, "Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever. He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes." Does that sound like a person who worries? No, it sounds like a person who is trusting in the Lord and is confident in Him.

I'll just say, that after I realized all these things I was worrying about were not of God, but lies that the devil was throwing at me; once I gave it the Lord it felt like 100 other things got thrown at me. By the grace of God I was able to see them clearly and deal with them the right way. Satan knows our weaknesses, he knows where to get us. We have to be extra guarded and be ready to defend the lies, cause it's easy to fall into them.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

(Matthew 6:25-34)

Who's pleasing you?

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal. 1:10

I'll be the first to confess that often times I am more worried about pleasing others than God. Before I make a decision, sometimes my first thought is, "what would he/she think of this?" rather than "what would God want me to do." It's something I definitely have to work on. A commentary I read on this verse said this, "Whom we seek to please shows who pleases us. The more Christ pleases, the more earnestly shall we seek to please Him in all we say and do and think." Ouch! If I'm seeking to please others, that's saying that I don't find all my pleasure in Christ alone. That He is not sufficient for me, that I'm not satisfied in Him. How terrible! Since I've become a follower of Christ, what is my aim in life? To please my Savior. So why do I want to please others? Well, cause I don't want to look like a fool? Is the gospel foolish? "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God" 1 Corinthians 1:18 says. It's foolish to those who are perishing. And will it really matter at the end of my life if a few people on the earth thought I was a bit crazy and foolish for being a christian? I really don't think I'll care too much about that. I shouldn't want to please others more than God. My heart should not be divided. Matthew 6:24 says, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." My life is devoted to God, I surrendered my life to Him, He should be my focus. If we lived to please God entirely with everything we do, I wonder how different our lives would be, or even the world would be. Whom do you find your most pleasure, is it people around you, or God?

Pressing on towards the goal

I can't think of a better feeling than to hear my mom or dad say, "I'm proud of you" or "Good job". It's the greatest feeling 'cause I feel like I'm doing something right. From all the times I mess up, it's nice to know that I'm not a total failure. lol. My dad doesn't give out compliments flippantly, but every now and then he'll tell me, "Ya know, you're a good kid." That means a lot.

There's nothing more that I want than to get to heaven and hear "well done, my good and faithful servant." It's one thing to please my earthly father (and mother) but wow, my Heavenly Father. It's hard to think that someone like me could please God who is so holy. I certainly don't live in light of that every day. I let my flesh get in the way so many times. I don't love like I should. I'm not always patient. I'm very much not always selfless. The list could go on. My desire is to please my Father and King. And the constant daily struggle to live a holy life, to die to my flesh, to be pure...all these things we are called to do that in our flesh we don't want to do; it's so worth putting those things down and fighting them to hear at the end of my life, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." It's worth the fight, it's worth the struggle to keep persevering. And we don't have to do it alone! God gives us the grace to endure. 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us, “But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." So whenever my little brother or sister is just annoying the heck out of me and I really want to say something ugly and I resist, it's His grace that enables me to die to myself. (I know that's a weak example, but it's all I could come up with at the moment). And I give God glory for that, because I know I couldn't do it on my own. It's emptying me of myself. Jeremy Camp has a song that I love (I love all his songs), but this particular one is called Empty Me. I love the chorus, and it goes like this,

"Holy Fire burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me,
I want more of you and less of me, yeah.
Empty me,
Empty me, yeah,
Fill, won't you fill me,
with you, with you, yeah."


So...I totally went off track here. Sorry. But to get back on track, I was talking about heaven, thinking of how great it will be when we get there. I think of the moment when Jesus comes back, the relief. It's like when you study for days or even weeks and months over a really huge test, and it's exhausting and you don't like it, it's hard. But you press on and keep doing it because you know you have a goal to reach, and that goal is a big fat 'A'. So after all those long days you spend disciplining yourself and learning you finally take the test. You get the results back and there is the big fat 'A'. The relief that comes over you is beyond words. All your hard work payed off and now it's over, no more tests, no more long days of pouring over information. Just like this life is a test for us, and every day we try to do better, we work and discipline ourselves towards our goal. Our goal is heaven. Then after our time is up, the test is over. Knowing that all the hardships, all the trials, all the tears and pain will be no more. It's over. Finished. Now we get to sit at our Savior's feet and worship Him with the angels. To sit in His glory. I can't wait. I'm reminded more and more that this is not our home, we are only passing through. We have a job to do, that is to tell others about our wonderful Heavenly Father, to glorify Him in all that we do, and spread the love of Christ. Don't lose sight of the Mission, we're not finished yet!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U-hOMunpWo

Love

I came across this poem the other day, and initially someones reaction would probably be, "Aww, that's so sweet." I had a slightly different reaction. Even thought this poem was speaking of someone else, I found it awfully self-centered. Here's what it said:

I love you for giving your heart to me
and trusting me with your pride
I love you for wanting me
and needing me by your side
I love you for the emotions
i never knew i had
I love you for making me smile
whenever I feel sad
I love you for your thoughts of me
and for how you make me feel
But most of all I love you
'cuz I know you're mine for real.

That to me, is loving someone for what they do for you, not for loving the person. It's selfish to love someone for their 'thoughts of me' and 'how you make me feel'. I'm not saying that those things are bad necessarily, I'm sure they're all true and nice. My problem with this poem is this: should it be the reason you love someone? I don't think so. Your love for someone should not be based off of all the things they do for you. Think of God's love. We did nothing worth loving, yet He still loves us and gave His son for us. Am I overreacting and reading into things too much? maybe so (lol). I just think so much of relationships today are based off of what he/she did or didn't do for me. Or how he/she makes me feel, how he/she isn't paying attention to me or giving me what I need. You get the point. Selfless love, that's how God loves us, that's how we should love.

Yes, wait.

"Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply."
Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
"Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT". "

There's not much that I can add to this poem, so I won't try.
I will say this: There's so much that you can't see. I don't
really like the word 'wait'. I hear all the time "just be patient
and wait"(AH!). However, waiting isn't always such a bad thing.
Waiting teaches you things that you might not be able to learn
any way else. It forces you to see things you might not otherwise
have seen. We have a God who sees all and knows all. He knows what is best for us.
Yes, so often we get impatient for things we want and God
answers with "wait", but I can see looking back on my life
those waiting times have been where I've seen God work the
most. I've learned to trust Him, and to rest in the fact that
He is in control. To think that if I wouldn't have had to wait,
how much I would have missed out on experiencing just a
little more of God's wonderful character. Corrie Ten Boom
once said, "Every experience God gives us, every person He
puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for a future
only He can see." God cares about us so deeply, all we need
to do is trust Him. He has a perfect plan. "Do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Mark 6:34)
Don't live for tomorrow, you might miss out on what God
has for you today!

I seem to write, or have things to write about when I struggle the most. Sometimes I don't even have anything to write about, but I just start and go and see where it ends up. Well a lot has been going on in my life and sometimes through all of it, I get too caught up in it to stop and pray, and seek help. I started reading a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I'll probably write another post about the book as a whole later, but theres one thing I want to share. First just watch this video.http://www.crazylovebook.com/videos_awe.html Isn't that amazing. Now I think about that, how big, how magnificent God is to create all of that. Then I think of all the things in my life that are hard. And before I think about how big God is, I think of how my problems seem so hard and I don't know how I'll ever get through. But after I think about how big God is, those things don't seem so bad. To know that God, who created all of that, loves me and cares about my life. He can handle my struggles. There's nothing too big or too small for Him to handle. Praise God, what a wonderful Heavenly Father. Just watching that video, makes me feel so small, and God cares about my every need. So much so that He sent his one and ONLY son to die in my place. Can you imagine? Can you imagine the person you love the most beaten, and nailed to a cross for your enemies. That's what we were, enemies of God. We violated His commands and were headed straight for Hell. But God didn't want to punish us, because He loves us so much. Ephesians 2:3-5 says, "Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ by grace you have been saved." We were saved by grace, because of His great love for us. I can never get tired of hearing that. It's the most amazing thing in the world. That's why we should share with others. You were offered the greatest gift anyone could ever possibly give, and it's offered to others. They may not know it, and you may be the only person who has a chance to tell them. Reflect on His love. Think of the sacrifice that was made for you. Rejoice, give thanks. And pursue His mission of sharing His love. That's the point of this post...just think about what Christ did for you, and think about how that affects your life and how you live it. May it cause you to worship.

I'm watching you

The other night I was sitting at the table for supper with my little sister (she's 3). She was talking and being cute, when she looked at me and said, "I want to be just like you!" and smiled. I was taken back and surprised. She want's to be like me? Whatever for? I don't realize how much they watch me, but it's enough that they know they want to be like me. Man, I immediately begin to think of all my flaws. Makes me think twice about how I act, the things I say, how I respond to my parents, how I work...am I doing those things in such a way that glorifies God? I remember in church one day during worship we were singing and I look over at my 5 year old sister, standing the exact same way I was. I make a impact on others, young children, without even realizing it sometimes. So my point is, be aware of what you do, because there are people watching you! Whether you know it or not. The way you live your life is the best witness you can give. Words don't mean anything unless your actions prove it true. I can say I love God all I want, but does my life reflect that? Do the things I do and say show my love for Him? They should. In 1 Timothy 4:12 it says,"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." It also makes me think of a country song by Rodney Atkins called ''Watching you". Here are the lyrics:

Drivin' through town just my boy and me
With a Happy Meal in his booster seat
Knowin’ that he couldn’t have the toy ‘til his nuggets were gone.
A green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath.
His fries went a flyin’, and his orange drink covered his lap
Well, then my four year old said a four letter word
It started with “S” and I was concerned
So I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to talk like that?”

He said, "I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do.
So I’ve been watching you."

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said, “Lord, please help me help my stupid self.”
Just this side of bedtime later that night
Turnin’ on my son’s Scooby-Doo nightlight.
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees.
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
Spoke to God like he was talkin’ to a friend.
And I said, “Son, now where’d you learn to pray like that?”

He said, "I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We like fixin’ things and holding momma’s hand
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do; so I’ve been watching you"

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug.
Said, “My little bear is growin’ up.”
And he said, “But when I’m big I’ll still know what to do.”

"‘Cause I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I want to be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
By then I’ll be strong as superman
We’ll be just alike, hey, won’t we dad
When I can do everything you do.
‘cause I’ve been watchin’ you."

Now, as he begins this song, you can see the negative example this father is showing. But it just shows how especially little kids watch older people and pick up on the littlest things. So be careful, be aware.

Set a good example...you never know who's watching you.

Partings

I've had a lot of thinking about goodbye's lately, and there's reason for that, but it got me to thinking. I hate goodbye's, I'm terrible with them, and dread any time I have to say it. However, I got to thinking, we never have to say goodbye to God. He's always there. Anytime. Anywhere. Whenever we need him. He's never changing and will never leave us nor forsake us. I think about that, and I feel safe, secure and more than anything, loved. Loved by the God who made the world and everything in it. He loves me and want's to be a part of MY life. Wow. Never ceases to blow my mind. Our God is so good.